God Bless America

When I came back from my first trip to Uganda last August, I was not prepared for the tsunami of emotions that came (believe me, the word flood just doesn’t cut it). I had been told by others that I would get mad at people in the States for their waste and ungrateful attitude. Someone I met in Uganda said that finding your place when you leave the mission field is just as important as going in the first place. I didn’t quite understand what she meant at first.

I have had a wide range of emotions since I came home from Uganda. The second time was worse than the first. Feeling relieved and heart broken and out of place and bored and grateful and angry and all sorts of other emotions. Heart broken for what I left behind, grateful for my life and family here, angry at the injustice, happy with the life I have been given here and completely out of place all at the same time. To say Uganda changed me is an understatement.

Almost immediately after coming home, I went to a conference for a college ministry that I plan on being a part of in the future. I really needed that weekend. God did incredible things in people’s lives including my own. I came home fired up for what God has next for my church, where I am on staff. I had at least four sermons already written in my journal.

But truth be told, I still felt a little out of place. I remember praying for an individual who was having some serious doubts about God and His love for. After a good 45 minutes of listening, encouraging, quoting scripture, sharing words that God was giving me about this individual and praying, I left exasperated and feeling totally inadequate. It felt as if nothing I was doing was helping this person. It was like I didn’t even know how to minister in the States anymore. In Uganda it’s so easy to see the impact you are making in a person’s life. It didn’t take make much to show them God loved them and they were so open to hearing about Jesus. They had so little and yet so easily believed in and served God with joy. I remember asking God, “How in the world do I do this?”

            About three weeks after I had gotten home, my mom was telling me about some missionary bios that she had been reading and one specifically about Mother Theresa. If there was ever someone that I have wanted to be, it is Mother Theresa. My mom told me about how Mother Theresa sought to reach the poorest of the poorest, those rejected by everyone else, the least of these and she required that her nuns not live any better than those they were serving. They had two outfits, one they were wearing and one that was being washed. She even debated about getting a telephone because although it would be cheaper and easier than traveling around verses just receiving a phone call, those who they were serving did not have telephones. In the end, she decided against the telephone.

            I think we can all agree that Mother Theresa knew what it meant to serve and she went to one of the toughest places and literally reached the least of these. But my mom said something that caught me. She said that she began to pray about who the least of these were in our church and in our community. Who are the least of these in our lives?

            I began to think about that and to think about the incredibly pour condition that United States is in. We may have so much more wealth and opportunities than those in Uganda or other underdeveloped countries but we are so pour in Spirit. So lacking spiritually and emotionally that we need God to intervene just as much as anywhere else.

This is something that I am now trying to practice in my life. Truth be told, I’m not very good at it. I miss Uganda terribly and I love missions and the list of  places I want to see is almost impossibly long and I still find myself being irritated by the excess but I am asking God to give me a heart for America again, to give me a heart for my neighbors, classmates and the students I work with at my church because no matter which continent we are on, God has called us to serve the least of these.
In Romans, Paul talks about his love for the Israelites, his own people and says that he would be cursed and cut off from Christ if it meant that the people of his homeland would know Christ. What an incredible heart! To be willing to give up the greatest and most meaningful gift that an human can receive, a relationship with Christ, just so that their people can know God! 

          I am not there yet, I am still praying for this heart. I don’t want to be upset. Instead, I want God to show me His heart for this nation. I am excited for what God has in store for me and I am so excited because starting next August I will be an intern at the Chi Alpha Campus Ministries at Minnesota State University Moorhead. I will learning under some of the best pastors I have ever met. I am that God will give me His heart for that campus and His heart for His people.