Roadtrip

So this post is way overdue...

Somewhere in Arizona

In August, I embarked on a grand adventure...I moved to Fargo, North Dakota. :) I realize that Fargo is not exactly a popular spot for those seeking adventure but moving to Fargo and becoming a Chi Alpha Christian Fellowship intern has been one of the most challenging, fulfilling and wonderful journeys I've ever embarked on. Thanks so much for everyone that has made it possible. I promise to get better at posting things. 

I have mentioned in earlier posts (The Safest Place) about my dear friend, Lauren, who I met in Alaska several years ago. In August, Lauren came back from serving in Indonesia for a year, just in time to drive across the country with me, all my possessions, my new (to me) adventure car and face all of the things that God had for me next. Nothing could have prepared me for how much I would be forced to grow during this internship but celebrating with one of my dearest friends was a good way to start. 

Four Corners- Arizona, Utah,
New Mexico and Colorado

We traveled through Arizona, Colorado, Nebraska, Iowa, South Dakota and finally North Dakota. The scenery changed from red rocks to green hills to mountains, to rolling hills, prairie, hay bales and corn fields. I was so blessed and encouraged along the way and God began to stir in my heart an excitement for all that was to come. The last two months have been incredibly challenging, stretching and I don't think I have

Great Sand Dunes National Park, Colorado

ever learned so much about myself and the infinite, indescribable character of God and His detailed, well thought out plan for my life. 

I love road trips! I am so grateful for this incredible time I had with my dear friend. It astounds me at how much God loves us. Not only does He provide for our needs but our desires as well. I remember all the anxiety I was facing before leaving and all the anticipation, being so unsure. If there is one thing I have gotten out of this adventure so far is that the love of God is faithful, stable and constant.

Garden of the Gods, Colorado

Along the way, we were blessed to stay with friends, new ones and ones I've known for years that fed us, housed us and encouraged us like crazy.

For over a year, Lauren and I planned this trip without being totally sure if I was moving, if I would have a car and if she would be back from Indonesia. It was the best road trip so far and I am so grateful to have experience it.I know that it was only a road trip but it was a beautiful reminder that God truly loves blessing us and His faithfulness never ends.

Somewhere is Nebraska

Sinclair Gas Station, South Dakota

First time in a corn field, South Dakota

Great Sand Dunes National Park, Colorado

Just sitting on a hay bale, Iowa

Broken Leg

Hanging out in the Anchorage airport

I will never forget the day I left for college. I was so excited and naive and terrified and quite frankly, I had no idea what I was doing. I sat at the airport in Anchorage, Alaska drinking Starbucks with my parents and a dear friend. I checked in my two cardboard boxes, hugged my parents goodbye and got on the plane bound for Fargo, North Dakota. Now, I had never seen North Dakota and I really didn't know what I was getting into but I knew God was telling me to go and so I went. I do remember walking out of the airport, pushing my boxes on the ground, one of top of each other (I know airports have those cart things but I was too dumb to use them I guess). I stepped off the plane into North Dakota's winter in January and I said out loud "Oh Lord, what have you done to me?" Now, before you get offended about my reaction to North Dakota, let me just say that it grew on me like crazy and I'm moving back in the fall but having come from Alaska with its gorgeous mountains and views everywhere, I was not impressed.

I jumped right into the campus ministry at North Dakota State University, made some amazing friends and slowly learned to like good ol' Fargo. I returned that fall for my sophomore year ready for God to do amazing things and fully expecting that He would. I had believed Him for incredible things and He did do incredible things year but it was also one of the hardest years of my life. That year I faced death, loss, grief, family tragedy, ridiculous amounts of stress and heart ache. I remember that as the year wound down, I would sit in my dorm room on weekends and just cry.  God was good to me and

The night I left for North Dakota 

He was moving mightily but I was facing some of the biggest battles of my life. For the first time in all of my memory, I could not feel God because I just hurt so bad, I had turned numb. I'm not sure how many people knew what was going on, I don't think I'm as good at keeping secrets as I think I am, but I remember feeling so alone. Sometimes we bring stress and things on ourselves and we bad choices and sometimes we don't trust God but sometimes things just happen and life is hard and heartache hurts and you just need a break and this was the case for me. The last day of my sophomore year my friend stayed with me praying over me as I cried myself to sleep because I was too panicked to be alone.

Although the decision left me heart broken and relieved all at the same time, I transferred to a different college my junior year to be closer to my family. I needed them and they needed me. I said goodbye to Fargo with no intentions of ever going back. But God had different plans. Over the past two years since I left Fargo, God has hemmed me in and healed my soul and pried into areas of my heart with a grace and mercy and gentleness and conviction and firmness that only God can achieve. I have learned to cry a lot, to let go, to forgive others and mostly to forgive myself. I have clung to God like never before. I can honestly say that even though my relationship with God before was sincere and true, I feel like He has saved me all over again. But being the wonderful God that He is, He doesn’t let us settle with just enough healing. A year after I left Fargo, I returned to be in a dear friend’s wedding. I had to “face my demons” during that time if you will. It was a great, hard, tearful, freeing week and at the end of it, God told me I needed to move back to Fargo. (If you would like specifics about what I’ll be doing check out blogpost “Less of Me”)

I reluctantly followed God with this plan, in anticipation and excitement and fear all at the same time but it has been a year of fighting God about this. I’ll be honest, the idea of going back to Fargo and dealing with all of the issues I faced there and the people that I hurt and hurt me has terrified me. Me, the girl who has no problem going off to college in an unknown town by myself. Me, who can fly to Uganda by myself to work with people I’ve never met before. Me, who sees a mountain and wants to climb it and sees a new food and wants to eat it, who sees a challenge and says “I will conquer that”, was afraid of moving back to Fargo, North Dakota.

Bison life for me

God is so full of grace and goodness and He loves us even when we are afraid and almost two years to the day when I had my last panic attack (something that started happening to me during my last semester in Fargo) and sat on my mom’s lap crying for an hour (I was 20 years old), He brought complete freedom and healing in my life. It didn’t happen in one particular moment or with one particular prayer or conversation but rather through the thousands of prayers, conversations, God-encounters, tears and steps I took towards His leading even though it terrified me. And, now as I sit here, typing this story out, I sit here in complete peace knowing that my path and my future are secure, no matter my past.

I was praying a lot about this blogpost when I decided to write it and the Holy Spirit revealed a few things to me. First of all, I think that the worst of pain can come when we trust God and follow His plans and it fails and we are left heart broken. In fact, there are people sitting in our churches all over America that took a step of faith and got burned. I do not know why things work out the way they do but I do know that the Bible tells us that it rains on the just and unjust alike (Matthew 5:45). I think when things like this happen, the temptation is to not go out on a limb for God again but to sit back and play it safe. I’m not judging anyone who has found themselves in that position. I have wanted to just stay in my parents’ basement forever and never have to face the scary world out there but if I did that not only would I not be fulfilling part of God’s plan for my life but I would also be missing my biggest point of victory. I do not know why bad things happen. All I know is that man sinned and sin ruined this perfect place God made for us and we are all living with the consequences. But we have the opportunity to turn these horrible, life-altering situations into powerful testimonies and victories in our lives.

Another revelation I got from the Lord during this is that sometimes, we settle for just being okay and when we do that, we rob ourselves of the opportunity of being restored. It’s kind of like if you break your leg and you go to the doctor and the doctor says that they have to rebreak the bone or do surgery or something to set it. Now that is going to be a scary, painful ordeal but if you don’t do it, your leg is going to be deformed and you won’t be able to walk right and you’ll never reach your physical potential and you look at the doctor and say “No, just give me some pain meds so I don’t feel it.” And then you walk around with a limp and are crippled for the rest of your life. That is what we say to God about our hearts sometime. Before God called me back to Fargo (to do a ministry internship) I thought I was perfectly healed. I was happy and content and was doing things with my life and growing with God. I could easily stay where I am now and live a happy life but I wouldn’t be living the restored life. God doesn’t want to just heal us to the point of being okay and take away our symptoms, He wants to restore us and make us better than we ever were before. We just have to give Him the opportunity.

I am reminded of the story of Joseph. Now, I am in no way comparing what I went through to some of the trials that Joseph faced, but heartache is heartache. Joseph went through unfathomable betrayal, deceit, slavery, false accusation, imprisonment, being forgotten and being despised and yet, it says over and over that God was with Joseph through it all. Joseph seeks God, keeps His heart right and God brings so many good things into His life. He is a husband, a father and a successful and trusted ruler. That sounds like a really good life and Joseph probably could have lived out his days in contentment. But being the wonderful God that He is, God didn’t let things stay okay for Joseph and instead, Joseph was confronted smack-dab in the face with the very people that hated and betrayed him and whose actions led him to slavery and imprisonment. And not only did he encounter them, he had the power over their lives. If you ever want a test of whether you have forgiven someone, find yourself in a position to make or break them and see how you behave. But Joseph didn’t act towards them out of revenge or vengence and God restored him and his family and his father and through his actions, the Israelites were saved. Talk about a huge plan that Joseph could never have imagined.

I remember praying one day, shortly after leaving Fargo that God would completely heal me, not just take away the pain, the symptoms of the problem, but to fix my heart, to make me new, to make me closer to Him on the other side. And He did. It was hurtful at times and not fun and I definitely did not always like it but I am so grateful that I prayed that prayer and I meant it and that God hasn’t given up but His plan is vast and great and more than I can imagine. I can’t wait to see what happens this next year and all that God is going to do in Fargo. So the next time you go through something hard (which will happen a hundred times) don’t just settle for just enough healing to be okay but allow God to deal with all of the messy, broken, dirty, shattered places of your heart, even if it means you have to encounter your past and then move on. It’s definitely worth it.

Check out Joseph’s story: Genesis 37-50

Less of Me

I graduated!!

So I graduated from college four days ago. And of course, I have been asked a bazillion times "What are you gonna do now?" Well friends, here it is. Enjoy!

I walked into the halls of my first day of high school and I was terrified. I had just transferred from my tiny, Christian, private school to, what I thought was huge, public high school. I was in a new town and by 2nd period, I had gotten lost 5 or 6 times. When lunch came around, after I spent 30 minutes just trying to find my locker (which had my lunch in it) and after three unsuccessful attempts to seek help at the from office, I just sat down and cried. Yeah, that was my first day of high school. 

This actually sounds like your typical first day of high school experience, especially when you're the new kid. Things did get better and don't worry, by the next day, I had that whole locker situation down. Still, I remember that first year getting this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach when we started to get closer to my school every morning. I had made some friends and I did fine in my classes but the constant pressure to conform and the insecurities and that feeling that high school was the center of the world, is just not always easy to deal with. 

My second year of high school God began to change some things in my heart and change my perspective. Instead of viewing this place as somewhere I was forced to go everyday, I began to view it as my mission field, a place I was called to reach. As I said, I had to go everyday right? And when would I have this opportunity again? So I made a choice, I prayed, emailed my principal and started a Youth Alive club. This is a Christian club on middle school and high school campuses through the Assembly of God (AG). It was slow going at first but every week a group of us met, we had worship, ate food and I shared what God put on my heart every week. We had guest speakers and God did a lot of things, especially my senior year. Little did I know then how much that choice would impact my life. 

Jenna, one of my small group girls and best friends.
You can read about her story on my blogpost "A Pink One"

Right after I graduated, I was going to work a bunch and then head off to med school so I could change the world someday. God had other plans and I am so thankful. At the last minute (which seems to be a pattern in my life), I became an intern for Alaska's district youth director and lived and worked at Alaska's AG summer camps. I was one of the youngest interns there and that summer really impacted my life. I met several college students who had had their lives changed through this thing called Chi Alpha at North Dakota State University (NDSU) in Fargo, ND. I had never heard of Chi Alpha before or NDSU (I'd be lying if I said North Dakota was on the top of my list of college destinations).  

Chi Alpha Christian Fellowship is an international ministry through the Assemblies of God for college students and young adults. In universities across the world, groups of students gather every week on their campuses to worship the Lord and grow in Him together. Although I had already had my plans, God had better ones and after a lot of prayer, I moved to NDSU and became apart of Chi Alpha. To say that being apart of Chi Alpha changed my life, would be an understatement. My sophomore year of college, I became an RA in one of the dorms and a Chi Alpha small group leader. God did so many things that year, I still look back amazed!! My time in Chi Alpha was one of the most fruitful times in my life and I look back in amazement at all that God did!. I have hundreds of stories and testimonies (see blogpost “A Pink One” for one of my favorite stories). Even though I transferred my junior year to be closer to my family, I was still a leader and a part of the Chi Alpha at the new university that I attended.  I saw God completely transform the lives of students. I saw students getting set free, healed, saved and delivered all on secular university campuses!

When you get close to graduating, whether its high school or college, everyone seems to ask the same question "So what are you going to do next?" I remember the question in high school and it felt daunting then but it is about 75 times worse when you finish college because now what they are really asking is "what are you going to do with your life?" Believe me, I tossed around every idea under the sun, from grad school to Africa to worki

ng to Alaska to living at home to Urkaine. I mean really, I had no clue what I was supposed to do other than whatever God told me! Well as my junior year ended, I knew that I could not ignore the call on my life for campus ministry. So after a lot of prayer, I have applied and been accepted to become a Campus Minister in Training Intern (CMIT) under Pastor Brad Lewis back in Fargo, North Dakota for the 2014-2015 school year. There are multiple groups and multiple campuses under Pastor Brad and these combined Chi Alpha groups have around 500 students in attendance on a weekly basis (don't quote me) and from these Chi Alpha groups, other Chi Alpha ministries have been started all over the United States. I have seen first hand students being saved, set free from sin, addictions and pain, being physically and emotionally healed and called into full-time ministry through this campus ministry. I know that Fargo is not my final destination but I know this is one of the steps I need to take and everything that I will learn through this experience will prepare me for what God has next. 

When I started college, I asked God to give me a heart for my campus and to make an impact. Since I prayed that prayer, I found a verse that has become a theme of my life and something I try to live out "He must become greater; I must become less." John 3:30. This was stated by John the Baptist about Jesus. Throughout college, I prayed that my life would be used to make God greater and my own desires, needs, wants, less. Through those prayers God has used me in extraordinary ways and that is a prayer I am continuing to pray in the next season of my life. That in every way, God would become greater I would become less. 

Small Group sophomore year at NDSU

In order to complete this internship, I need to raise $1,800 per month. This has been a huge step of faith for me and a stretch in my trust but God has and continues to confirm this next step for me and has begun to open doors. I am excited to watch as this journey unfolds. I have begun to write and send support letters to specific individuals and to request monthly financial support. This has been a huge step of faith me and I am completely relying on God to provide! And I need your help!

Chi Alpha National Missions Conference Junior Year

If you would like to join my support team on a monthly basis ($10, $25, $50, $100, $1000) please use the following website: http://giving.ag.org (enter Hope Hagerty in the search engine) that will connect you with Assembly of God accounts.

I am praying that God will open your hearts to join my support team and we can partner together in this journey God has placed before me. In a book entitled The God Ask, the author quotes missionary William Carey who sailed from England to India in 1792. When William Carey contacted his friends and relatives to ask for their support he told them this “I will descend into the pit, if you will hold the ropes.” That is what I am saying to you now. Although Fargo, North Dakota hardly seems like a pit, I know this is a small step in the future that God has and His calling extends far beyond North Dakota and into all of the world.

Thank you,

Hope Hagerty

Bison statue in downtown Fargo. It was a lot harder to climb than I anticipated!

God Bless America

When I came back from my first trip to Uganda last August, I was not prepared for the tsunami of emotions that came (believe me, the word flood just doesn’t cut it). I had been told by others that I would get mad at people in the States for their waste and ungrateful attitude. Someone I met in Uganda said that finding your place when you leave the mission field is just as important as going in the first place. I didn’t quite understand what she meant at first.

I have had a wide range of emotions since I came home from Uganda. The second time was worse than the first. Feeling relieved and heart broken and out of place and bored and grateful and angry and all sorts of other emotions. Heart broken for what I left behind, grateful for my life and family here, angry at the injustice, happy with the life I have been given here and completely out of place all at the same time. To say Uganda changed me is an understatement.

Almost immediately after coming home, I went to a conference for a college ministry that I plan on being a part of in the future. I really needed that weekend. God did incredible things in people’s lives including my own. I came home fired up for what God has next for my church, where I am on staff. I had at least four sermons already written in my journal.

But truth be told, I still felt a little out of place. I remember praying for an individual who was having some serious doubts about God and His love for. After a good 45 minutes of listening, encouraging, quoting scripture, sharing words that God was giving me about this individual and praying, I left exasperated and feeling totally inadequate. It felt as if nothing I was doing was helping this person. It was like I didn’t even know how to minister in the States anymore. In Uganda it’s so easy to see the impact you are making in a person’s life. It didn’t take make much to show them God loved them and they were so open to hearing about Jesus. They had so little and yet so easily believed in and served God with joy. I remember asking God, “How in the world do I do this?”

            About three weeks after I had gotten home, my mom was telling me about some missionary bios that she had been reading and one specifically about Mother Theresa. If there was ever someone that I have wanted to be, it is Mother Theresa. My mom told me about how Mother Theresa sought to reach the poorest of the poorest, those rejected by everyone else, the least of these and she required that her nuns not live any better than those they were serving. They had two outfits, one they were wearing and one that was being washed. She even debated about getting a telephone because although it would be cheaper and easier than traveling around verses just receiving a phone call, those who they were serving did not have telephones. In the end, she decided against the telephone.

            I think we can all agree that Mother Theresa knew what it meant to serve and she went to one of the toughest places and literally reached the least of these. But my mom said something that caught me. She said that she began to pray about who the least of these were in our church and in our community. Who are the least of these in our lives?

            I began to think about that and to think about the incredibly pour condition that United States is in. We may have so much more wealth and opportunities than those in Uganda or other underdeveloped countries but we are so pour in Spirit. So lacking spiritually and emotionally that we need God to intervene just as much as anywhere else.

This is something that I am now trying to practice in my life. Truth be told, I’m not very good at it. I miss Uganda terribly and I love missions and the list of  places I want to see is almost impossibly long and I still find myself being irritated by the excess but I am asking God to give me a heart for America again, to give me a heart for my neighbors, classmates and the students I work with at my church because no matter which continent we are on, God has called us to serve the least of these.
In Romans, Paul talks about his love for the Israelites, his own people and says that he would be cursed and cut off from Christ if it meant that the people of his homeland would know Christ. What an incredible heart! To be willing to give up the greatest and most meaningful gift that an human can receive, a relationship with Christ, just so that their people can know God! 

          I am not there yet, I am still praying for this heart. I don’t want to be upset. Instead, I want God to show me His heart for this nation. I am excited for what God has in store for me and I am so excited because starting next August I will be an intern at the Chi Alpha Campus Ministries at Minnesota State University Moorhead. I will learning under some of the best pastors I have ever met. I am that God will give me His heart for that campus and His heart for His people.

I am selfish

Andrew and I

I was sitting on the bathroom floor. It was before 6 am. My throat was on fire, as I had just lost all of my dinner. I had food poisoning. Suddenly in this moment, the call of God on my life, my love for missions, my sweet braided hair, the kids I would be serving, the amount of likes I got on my Instagram photos or even the reason I was in Uganda did not matter. In that moment, I wanted to go home.

            I wanted my bed, my mom, my own bedroom, my own car, my clean house with perfect ventilation and honestly, I wanted Chick-fil-a. I began feeling very sorry for myself and not caring at all that I had a job to do and God had provided this opportunity. I was miserable and I wanted everyone to know I was miserable. I immediately began doing an inventory of the food I had eaten in the last 24 hours that could be the cause of this "horrible ordeal" I was now suffering. Then it hit me, the village.

            When I came to Uganda last summer, I had the wonderful privilege of meeting an incredible Ugandan family that had opened their lives, their hearts and their home to me. I loved them and even though we didn’t speak the same language, I knew that they loved me. With four of their own kids and a slew of nieces and nephews that stay with them, there is always some fun to be had. Every time I went to see them, they insisted on feeding me, most of the time before they even fed their own kids or ate themselves. I usually ate without hesitation and shared with the kids. This family was not neglectful to their children, they just always wanted to give me their best. I had spent the day in the village, and I had eaten everything they placed in front of me. We had laughed, planted beans, they opened their Christmas presents from the States and we cried when we said goodbye. I loved it.

            However, as I was sitting there on the tile floor, my face in the toilet, I seemed to forget all about that. I told myself that I wouldn’t eat their food anymore, that I would just say no. Maybe, I shouldn’t even go see them for awhile. I was sick after all and really, this was a sacrifice I was making being here. I just wanted to go home to everything that was comfortable.

            Later that day, when I could at least leave the bathroom long enough to lay on my bed, I began to consider how quickly my attitude had changed. There is a certain “glamour” if you will about going to Africa. The idea that the coolest missionaries are the ones posting photos of children outside of huts. To be honest, my followers on Instagram have more than doubled when I started posting from Uganda and people who I barely knew were commenting on how I was doing such a great job. I truly do love missions and I love traveling and I truly love Uganda. But I was surprised at myself that the minute it got difficult, I wanted to call it quits and run home.

            To some degree, I suppose that what I was feeling was natural. Food poisoning is no fun and I don’t recommend recklessly exposing yourself to sicknesses or parasites (I sleep with a mosquito net and only drink filtered water). But I also know that God did not call me to give up the minute it became not so fun to be there anymore. Living a life of missions is a sacrifice and I know some incredible, Godly people who have given up everything to follow God around the world.
But for me, I have gotten WAY more from Uganda than I have ever given it. I don’t mind the dust or the heat or the bugs. I love learning a new language, trying new foods and having a hair style that has very little maintenance. So,  really it is not surprising that as soon as it became difficult, I wanted to quit. Because no one was in the bathroom cheering me on for my incredible servant heart. And as I lay there all day, unable to even keep water down, no one was recognizing me for my "sacrifice "and that is what made it so hard. My throwing up is one photo that would not be getting likes.

            When I was praying and spending time with God that day, I began to think of what sacrifice truly is. God knows what sacrifice is and Jesus knows what sacrifice is. I was reflecting on the sacrifice that Jesus made for me when He chose to undergo torture and pain and humiliation and separation from God because of me. I thought about Him in the garden, praying so hard he sweating blood, meanwhile his disciples and closest friends are sleeping. No one was liking Jesus’ instagram posts at that moment. What if Jesus had given up that night? Or the next day? Or at any moment in His life and my life when He stops receiving the praise He deserves, when things got bad. At any moment, Jesus could have chosen to be done. He could have chosen to call it quits. He had the power to do so. But He didn’t. He stayed, He endured and He still does today.

            The truth is, I am selfish. We all are. But we have the choice everyday to indulge in that selfish nature that says being happy and comfortable and safe should be our goal (and a culture that reinforces the idea) or to decide to love and serve and work without praise, without recognition and even in the worse of circumstances. Food poisoning is not life threatening and hardly deserving of all the drama I gave it. Jesus has endured so much worse. So now, I’m choosing to not indulge, I’m choosing to endure.

 To love unconditionally, even if that means I have ring worm that still won’t go away after 5 months, or I sometimes get covered in pee while holding babies at an orphanage or I go without a real shower or if I spend all day in the bathroom because I ate some potentially bad potatoes that were given to me out of love and honor. Because some hardships are meant to be endured. Because I need to remember how good God is and I need to be reminded that on my own, I’m really just selfish. And I need to remember how faithful Jesus is and I can’t afford to stop being grateful for His sacrifice.

One of my favorite nights with my favorite family

I'm Done with Normal Christmas

I was sitting on my bed with my Bible open when the tears began to fall. The pages of my journal began to ripple in little circles under the moisture, I didn’t care. I had just been reading about God’s faithfulness to Israel, how God always takes care of His children and always provides.

Christmas Morning with my friend, Allen

            It had been almost 100 days since I had returned home from Uganda and I was desperate to get back but working at a church, interning for the school district and college full time didn’t leave much room for working another job. I had quit about two weeks before. And as I sat there praying and crying, I put it all in God’s hands and I knew He would take care of it. He knew my heart and turns out He loves Uganda more than I do. I was not prepared for what happened next.

            I had just pulled into my driveway after a full day of class when I got the email. It was an offer, to spend Christmas in Uganda, with a dear friend, for free. When I saw the message I wasn’t sure if I should scream or cry, or dance or jump, eventually I did all of it. I just couldn’t believe what was happening. And even now I am so grateful to everyone who made it possible. After getting consent from my parents, my ticket was bought and in 30 days I would be landing on African soil again. My heart was estatic. I honestly buzzed through the last few weeks of the semester, all I was thinking about was Uganda.

            I arrived in Uganda about a week before Christmas and it was just as beautiful as I remembered. I spent time with one of my dear friends, loving on children, trying to learn Luganda and talking about the States. It was bliss.

            Then Christmas Eve hit. Nothing that day had gone according to plan. Although my friend had made some cookies, our idea of baking, making paper snowflakes and other decorations and watching Christmas movies had turned into a day of humidity, just as much heat as the day before, missing home, errands and making food for some of our favorite street boys. This was the first Christmas away from home for both of us and we wanted to make is special. Needless to say, it did not feel like Christmas. When my family got on Skype with me that night, I cried. I missed them. I missed the snow and I missed Christmas. As always, my family was supportive and encouraging. Praying for me, assuring me that Christmas cookies and a few presents awaited me when I got home as well as a nice dinner. It did help but I was not exactly grateful that night as I went to bed completely forgetting that Christmas actually isn’t about me.

The boys literally scrapped the crumbs
from the cake pan into their hands

            The next morning we got up early and packed some food, a few matchbox cars and candy into the car. We headed out before 8 am to meet some of Kampala’s 10,000 children that live on the street.

            These boys live on the street for any number of reasons, but regardless of the reasons, they don’t where they are going to sleep at night, where their next meal is coming from and if they will even be able to find safety. There is a wonderful feeding program for this particular slum of Kampala but because of the holidays, many of the volunteers had gone home or where celebrating with their families. It meant a week without any guarantee of food. My friend, Emma, and I decided to do something about that.

Love these guys

            

We met the boys outside the slum. We weren’t able to feed 10,000 or even the 70 that normally came to the feeding program but we could feed 12 that met Emma for breakfast regularly. They were so excited to see us and were waiting for us to arrive. I could have cried when I realized that they were wearing their best clothes, the ones they reserved for church. We immediately broke out the paper and markers and the boys began drawing pictures. These preteen and teen boys were so excited to simply have something to draw with. We laughed a lot, washed their hands, gave them hugs and attempted to tell them the Christmas story. After the meal, we packed up the extra food in paper bags that already contained some candy, a water bottle and a matchbox car. One for each boy. When we handed the simple bag to the first boy, his eyes got wide when he asked what it was. When we told him it was a present for him, a huge smile spread across his face. You would have thought we had given him the world. The boys immediately began playing with their cars, thanking us multiple times. It was such a joy to see them.

            After taking some photos, more hugs and praying for the boys, we returned to home to the tree full of unopened presents waiting for us and a whole chicken cooking in the crockpot. After spending Christmas morning with the boys, my attitude changed. I began to think about what Christmas was truly about and I thought, if Jesus were here celebrating His birthday, aren’t these the very people HE would be spending time with? Jesus spent his days with the lonely, broken and hurting. He spent His time on the streets, covered in dust, sharing unconditional love with everyone He met.

           

When I began to consider this I was suddenly very humbled and very grateful. God had chosen to give me a gift this Christmas. He chose to give me the blessing and the opportunity to spend the birth of His son with those who need His love the most. He trusted me enough to love these boys. He chose me to be His hands and feet this Christmas. He chose me to be His arm extended and miraculously provided a way for to do so.

            I have discovered that I don’t need snow on Christmas or presents or apple pie or to watch It’s a Wonderful Life for the 50^th time. I don’t need to be comfortable and I don’t need all of my desires to be satisfied. I need a reverent, humble appreciation for God’s incredible gift that He chose to give me when He sent His son.

            So I have made a new life resolution. I don’t want to have “normal” Christmas anymore. I love my family and I love spending Christmas with them and I think that is how God intended it to be. And don’t get me wrong, gifts are totally my love language so I am a big fan of those as well. But from now on I want to look outside of myself on Christmas.

The boys loved drawing pictures

Whether that means I am feeding street boys in Africa, working at a soup kitchen, sponsoring a homeless family for Christmas or whether I invite that lonely, elderly gentleman from church over for dinner because he’ll probably be alone or I just spend the holidays in peace with relatives that always seem to find that on thing that annoys me most, I want to celebrate Jesus’ birthday the way He would, doing and giving unto the least of these. 

There is no way that I'd rather spend Christmas