Roadtrip

So this post is way overdue...

Somewhere in Arizona

In August, I embarked on a grand adventure...I moved to Fargo, North Dakota. :) I realize that Fargo is not exactly a popular spot for those seeking adventure but moving to Fargo and becoming a Chi Alpha Christian Fellowship intern has been one of the most challenging, fulfilling and wonderful journeys I've ever embarked on. Thanks so much for everyone that has made it possible. I promise to get better at posting things. 

I have mentioned in earlier posts (The Safest Place) about my dear friend, Lauren, who I met in Alaska several years ago. In August, Lauren came back from serving in Indonesia for a year, just in time to drive across the country with me, all my possessions, my new (to me) adventure car and face all of the things that God had for me next. Nothing could have prepared me for how much I would be forced to grow during this internship but celebrating with one of my dearest friends was a good way to start. 

Four Corners- Arizona, Utah,
New Mexico and Colorado

We traveled through Arizona, Colorado, Nebraska, Iowa, South Dakota and finally North Dakota. The scenery changed from red rocks to green hills to mountains, to rolling hills, prairie, hay bales and corn fields. I was so blessed and encouraged along the way and God began to stir in my heart an excitement for all that was to come. The last two months have been incredibly challenging, stretching and I don't think I have

Great Sand Dunes National Park, Colorado

ever learned so much about myself and the infinite, indescribable character of God and His detailed, well thought out plan for my life. 

I love road trips! I am so grateful for this incredible time I had with my dear friend. It astounds me at how much God loves us. Not only does He provide for our needs but our desires as well. I remember all the anxiety I was facing before leaving and all the anticipation, being so unsure. If there is one thing I have gotten out of this adventure so far is that the love of God is faithful, stable and constant.

Garden of the Gods, Colorado

Along the way, we were blessed to stay with friends, new ones and ones I've known for years that fed us, housed us and encouraged us like crazy.

For over a year, Lauren and I planned this trip without being totally sure if I was moving, if I would have a car and if she would be back from Indonesia. It was the best road trip so far and I am so grateful to have experience it.I know that it was only a road trip but it was a beautiful reminder that God truly loves blessing us and His faithfulness never ends.

Somewhere is Nebraska

Sinclair Gas Station, South Dakota

First time in a corn field, South Dakota

Great Sand Dunes National Park, Colorado

Just sitting on a hay bale, Iowa

Broken Leg

Hanging out in the Anchorage airport

I will never forget the day I left for college. I was so excited and naive and terrified and quite frankly, I had no idea what I was doing. I sat at the airport in Anchorage, Alaska drinking Starbucks with my parents and a dear friend. I checked in my two cardboard boxes, hugged my parents goodbye and got on the plane bound for Fargo, North Dakota. Now, I had never seen North Dakota and I really didn't know what I was getting into but I knew God was telling me to go and so I went. I do remember walking out of the airport, pushing my boxes on the ground, one of top of each other (I know airports have those cart things but I was too dumb to use them I guess). I stepped off the plane into North Dakota's winter in January and I said out loud "Oh Lord, what have you done to me?" Now, before you get offended about my reaction to North Dakota, let me just say that it grew on me like crazy and I'm moving back in the fall but having come from Alaska with its gorgeous mountains and views everywhere, I was not impressed.

I jumped right into the campus ministry at North Dakota State University, made some amazing friends and slowly learned to like good ol' Fargo. I returned that fall for my sophomore year ready for God to do amazing things and fully expecting that He would. I had believed Him for incredible things and He did do incredible things year but it was also one of the hardest years of my life. That year I faced death, loss, grief, family tragedy, ridiculous amounts of stress and heart ache. I remember that as the year wound down, I would sit in my dorm room on weekends and just cry.  God was good to me and

The night I left for North Dakota 

He was moving mightily but I was facing some of the biggest battles of my life. For the first time in all of my memory, I could not feel God because I just hurt so bad, I had turned numb. I'm not sure how many people knew what was going on, I don't think I'm as good at keeping secrets as I think I am, but I remember feeling so alone. Sometimes we bring stress and things on ourselves and we bad choices and sometimes we don't trust God but sometimes things just happen and life is hard and heartache hurts and you just need a break and this was the case for me. The last day of my sophomore year my friend stayed with me praying over me as I cried myself to sleep because I was too panicked to be alone.

Although the decision left me heart broken and relieved all at the same time, I transferred to a different college my junior year to be closer to my family. I needed them and they needed me. I said goodbye to Fargo with no intentions of ever going back. But God had different plans. Over the past two years since I left Fargo, God has hemmed me in and healed my soul and pried into areas of my heart with a grace and mercy and gentleness and conviction and firmness that only God can achieve. I have learned to cry a lot, to let go, to forgive others and mostly to forgive myself. I have clung to God like never before. I can honestly say that even though my relationship with God before was sincere and true, I feel like He has saved me all over again. But being the wonderful God that He is, He doesn’t let us settle with just enough healing. A year after I left Fargo, I returned to be in a dear friend’s wedding. I had to “face my demons” during that time if you will. It was a great, hard, tearful, freeing week and at the end of it, God told me I needed to move back to Fargo. (If you would like specifics about what I’ll be doing check out blogpost “Less of Me”)

I reluctantly followed God with this plan, in anticipation and excitement and fear all at the same time but it has been a year of fighting God about this. I’ll be honest, the idea of going back to Fargo and dealing with all of the issues I faced there and the people that I hurt and hurt me has terrified me. Me, the girl who has no problem going off to college in an unknown town by myself. Me, who can fly to Uganda by myself to work with people I’ve never met before. Me, who sees a mountain and wants to climb it and sees a new food and wants to eat it, who sees a challenge and says “I will conquer that”, was afraid of moving back to Fargo, North Dakota.

Bison life for me

God is so full of grace and goodness and He loves us even when we are afraid and almost two years to the day when I had my last panic attack (something that started happening to me during my last semester in Fargo) and sat on my mom’s lap crying for an hour (I was 20 years old), He brought complete freedom and healing in my life. It didn’t happen in one particular moment or with one particular prayer or conversation but rather through the thousands of prayers, conversations, God-encounters, tears and steps I took towards His leading even though it terrified me. And, now as I sit here, typing this story out, I sit here in complete peace knowing that my path and my future are secure, no matter my past.

I was praying a lot about this blogpost when I decided to write it and the Holy Spirit revealed a few things to me. First of all, I think that the worst of pain can come when we trust God and follow His plans and it fails and we are left heart broken. In fact, there are people sitting in our churches all over America that took a step of faith and got burned. I do not know why things work out the way they do but I do know that the Bible tells us that it rains on the just and unjust alike (Matthew 5:45). I think when things like this happen, the temptation is to not go out on a limb for God again but to sit back and play it safe. I’m not judging anyone who has found themselves in that position. I have wanted to just stay in my parents’ basement forever and never have to face the scary world out there but if I did that not only would I not be fulfilling part of God’s plan for my life but I would also be missing my biggest point of victory. I do not know why bad things happen. All I know is that man sinned and sin ruined this perfect place God made for us and we are all living with the consequences. But we have the opportunity to turn these horrible, life-altering situations into powerful testimonies and victories in our lives.

Another revelation I got from the Lord during this is that sometimes, we settle for just being okay and when we do that, we rob ourselves of the opportunity of being restored. It’s kind of like if you break your leg and you go to the doctor and the doctor says that they have to rebreak the bone or do surgery or something to set it. Now that is going to be a scary, painful ordeal but if you don’t do it, your leg is going to be deformed and you won’t be able to walk right and you’ll never reach your physical potential and you look at the doctor and say “No, just give me some pain meds so I don’t feel it.” And then you walk around with a limp and are crippled for the rest of your life. That is what we say to God about our hearts sometime. Before God called me back to Fargo (to do a ministry internship) I thought I was perfectly healed. I was happy and content and was doing things with my life and growing with God. I could easily stay where I am now and live a happy life but I wouldn’t be living the restored life. God doesn’t want to just heal us to the point of being okay and take away our symptoms, He wants to restore us and make us better than we ever were before. We just have to give Him the opportunity.

I am reminded of the story of Joseph. Now, I am in no way comparing what I went through to some of the trials that Joseph faced, but heartache is heartache. Joseph went through unfathomable betrayal, deceit, slavery, false accusation, imprisonment, being forgotten and being despised and yet, it says over and over that God was with Joseph through it all. Joseph seeks God, keeps His heart right and God brings so many good things into His life. He is a husband, a father and a successful and trusted ruler. That sounds like a really good life and Joseph probably could have lived out his days in contentment. But being the wonderful God that He is, God didn’t let things stay okay for Joseph and instead, Joseph was confronted smack-dab in the face with the very people that hated and betrayed him and whose actions led him to slavery and imprisonment. And not only did he encounter them, he had the power over their lives. If you ever want a test of whether you have forgiven someone, find yourself in a position to make or break them and see how you behave. But Joseph didn’t act towards them out of revenge or vengence and God restored him and his family and his father and through his actions, the Israelites were saved. Talk about a huge plan that Joseph could never have imagined.

I remember praying one day, shortly after leaving Fargo that God would completely heal me, not just take away the pain, the symptoms of the problem, but to fix my heart, to make me new, to make me closer to Him on the other side. And He did. It was hurtful at times and not fun and I definitely did not always like it but I am so grateful that I prayed that prayer and I meant it and that God hasn’t given up but His plan is vast and great and more than I can imagine. I can’t wait to see what happens this next year and all that God is going to do in Fargo. So the next time you go through something hard (which will happen a hundred times) don’t just settle for just enough healing to be okay but allow God to deal with all of the messy, broken, dirty, shattered places of your heart, even if it means you have to encounter your past and then move on. It’s definitely worth it.

Check out Joseph’s story: Genesis 37-50

Less of Me

I graduated!!

So I graduated from college four days ago. And of course, I have been asked a bazillion times "What are you gonna do now?" Well friends, here it is. Enjoy!

I walked into the halls of my first day of high school and I was terrified. I had just transferred from my tiny, Christian, private school to, what I thought was huge, public high school. I was in a new town and by 2nd period, I had gotten lost 5 or 6 times. When lunch came around, after I spent 30 minutes just trying to find my locker (which had my lunch in it) and after three unsuccessful attempts to seek help at the from office, I just sat down and cried. Yeah, that was my first day of high school. 

This actually sounds like your typical first day of high school experience, especially when you're the new kid. Things did get better and don't worry, by the next day, I had that whole locker situation down. Still, I remember that first year getting this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach when we started to get closer to my school every morning. I had made some friends and I did fine in my classes but the constant pressure to conform and the insecurities and that feeling that high school was the center of the world, is just not always easy to deal with. 

My second year of high school God began to change some things in my heart and change my perspective. Instead of viewing this place as somewhere I was forced to go everyday, I began to view it as my mission field, a place I was called to reach. As I said, I had to go everyday right? And when would I have this opportunity again? So I made a choice, I prayed, emailed my principal and started a Youth Alive club. This is a Christian club on middle school and high school campuses through the Assembly of God (AG). It was slow going at first but every week a group of us met, we had worship, ate food and I shared what God put on my heart every week. We had guest speakers and God did a lot of things, especially my senior year. Little did I know then how much that choice would impact my life. 

Jenna, one of my small group girls and best friends.
You can read about her story on my blogpost "A Pink One"

Right after I graduated, I was going to work a bunch and then head off to med school so I could change the world someday. God had other plans and I am so thankful. At the last minute (which seems to be a pattern in my life), I became an intern for Alaska's district youth director and lived and worked at Alaska's AG summer camps. I was one of the youngest interns there and that summer really impacted my life. I met several college students who had had their lives changed through this thing called Chi Alpha at North Dakota State University (NDSU) in Fargo, ND. I had never heard of Chi Alpha before or NDSU (I'd be lying if I said North Dakota was on the top of my list of college destinations).  

Chi Alpha Christian Fellowship is an international ministry through the Assemblies of God for college students and young adults. In universities across the world, groups of students gather every week on their campuses to worship the Lord and grow in Him together. Although I had already had my plans, God had better ones and after a lot of prayer, I moved to NDSU and became apart of Chi Alpha. To say that being apart of Chi Alpha changed my life, would be an understatement. My sophomore year of college, I became an RA in one of the dorms and a Chi Alpha small group leader. God did so many things that year, I still look back amazed!! My time in Chi Alpha was one of the most fruitful times in my life and I look back in amazement at all that God did!. I have hundreds of stories and testimonies (see blogpost “A Pink One” for one of my favorite stories). Even though I transferred my junior year to be closer to my family, I was still a leader and a part of the Chi Alpha at the new university that I attended.  I saw God completely transform the lives of students. I saw students getting set free, healed, saved and delivered all on secular university campuses!

When you get close to graduating, whether its high school or college, everyone seems to ask the same question "So what are you going to do next?" I remember the question in high school and it felt daunting then but it is about 75 times worse when you finish college because now what they are really asking is "what are you going to do with your life?" Believe me, I tossed around every idea under the sun, from grad school to Africa to worki

ng to Alaska to living at home to Urkaine. I mean really, I had no clue what I was supposed to do other than whatever God told me! Well as my junior year ended, I knew that I could not ignore the call on my life for campus ministry. So after a lot of prayer, I have applied and been accepted to become a Campus Minister in Training Intern (CMIT) under Pastor Brad Lewis back in Fargo, North Dakota for the 2014-2015 school year. There are multiple groups and multiple campuses under Pastor Brad and these combined Chi Alpha groups have around 500 students in attendance on a weekly basis (don't quote me) and from these Chi Alpha groups, other Chi Alpha ministries have been started all over the United States. I have seen first hand students being saved, set free from sin, addictions and pain, being physically and emotionally healed and called into full-time ministry through this campus ministry. I know that Fargo is not my final destination but I know this is one of the steps I need to take and everything that I will learn through this experience will prepare me for what God has next. 

When I started college, I asked God to give me a heart for my campus and to make an impact. Since I prayed that prayer, I found a verse that has become a theme of my life and something I try to live out "He must become greater; I must become less." John 3:30. This was stated by John the Baptist about Jesus. Throughout college, I prayed that my life would be used to make God greater and my own desires, needs, wants, less. Through those prayers God has used me in extraordinary ways and that is a prayer I am continuing to pray in the next season of my life. That in every way, God would become greater I would become less. 

Small Group sophomore year at NDSU

In order to complete this internship, I need to raise $1,800 per month. This has been a huge step of faith for me and a stretch in my trust but God has and continues to confirm this next step for me and has begun to open doors. I am excited to watch as this journey unfolds. I have begun to write and send support letters to specific individuals and to request monthly financial support. This has been a huge step of faith me and I am completely relying on God to provide! And I need your help!

Chi Alpha National Missions Conference Junior Year

If you would like to join my support team on a monthly basis ($10, $25, $50, $100, $1000) please use the following website: http://giving.ag.org (enter Hope Hagerty in the search engine) that will connect you with Assembly of God accounts.

I am praying that God will open your hearts to join my support team and we can partner together in this journey God has placed before me. In a book entitled The God Ask, the author quotes missionary William Carey who sailed from England to India in 1792. When William Carey contacted his friends and relatives to ask for their support he told them this “I will descend into the pit, if you will hold the ropes.” That is what I am saying to you now. Although Fargo, North Dakota hardly seems like a pit, I know this is a small step in the future that God has and His calling extends far beyond North Dakota and into all of the world.

Thank you,

Hope Hagerty

Bison statue in downtown Fargo. It was a lot harder to climb than I anticipated!

A Pink One

I climbed the familiar steps, they had those grip strips on them and they worked too. I know because I had tried and failed to slide down those very stairs on my mattress. I climbed those steps with a beige colored file folder in one hand and a flower pen in the other. I knocked on the wooden door, it was answered by a nervous, quiet girl, Jenna. She was living in the freshman dorm in which I was an RA and I was meeting her so she could be moved to another room. I did my normal spiel about how I needed to check the room for damages, how happy I was she was moving to my floor, I prattled away and she quietly smiled out of politeness.

            We walked back down the steps and I showed her, her new room, only a few down from mine. The last statement I made was “Well, now that you’re on my floor, we’ll probably be best friends". Little did I know how true that statement was. 

My fantastic friend and wonderful small group co-leader, Sara.
She has always challenged me to give all that I  have to the Lord!

            It was my sophomore year of college and I was a Resident Assistant in an all-girl freshman dorm. I had applied for this job that last spring even though it had not been my plan at all. You see, I have a dear friend, Sara, who talked about becoming an RA in this dorm in order to minister to the girls there and to show them with the love of God. I remember practically staring at her and saying “God would have to specifically tell me before I ever did anything like that”. A week later, Sara and I were walking through the halls of that dorm praying for the girls, asking God to move in that place, asking for His love to reside there. I saw a poster advertising the RA position and something began to tug on my heart, I stubbornly ignored it, convincing myself that God just wanted me to pray for the RAs in that dorm. Right. The following Sunday, I listened to a sermon about reaping and sowing, the things we sow for the Lord we will surely reap. I responded to the prompting of the Holy Spirit, prayed and the next day I turned in my application for the RA position, one hour before the deadline.

            Truth be told, I don’t think I was actually qualified for the position. I transferred in half through my freshman year with enough credits to make me a sophomore so I ended up in transfer student apartments, I had never lived in a dorm before. I didn’t lie on the form, I told the truth and I knew God would open the door if it was supposed to be opened. When you applied, your name was put in for all RA positions, not one at a specific dorm. Again, I didn’t know what would happen but I knew God would open the door it was supposed to be opened.

            I went through the whole process, the group interview, the individual inter

Some of our small group girls!

view, the waiting time. I did not know what to expect and then I got the call that I had the position, as an RA in the very dorm I had spent the last semester praying in once a week. No questions were asked about my living in the apartment or about the fact that preference was given to those who turned in their application first and mine was last. God had opened the door.

            To say God burdened me for that dorm would be an understatement. I knew God had given me this opportunity and I wanted to honor Him in it. I began to pray for my girls that spring and I prayed all summer, praying that God would break my heart for the girls in my dorm, praying that I would see them the way He did, praying He would continue to open doors. And oh boy, He did.

            Sara and I started a small group in my dorm room. During move in day, I had met girls who loved the Lord and wanted to grow in Him. I also met girls who knew nothing about Him and they all became part of our group. Sara and I were part of a campus ministry called Chi Alpha. The first service, ten girls came with us. And it continued to grow.

            Honestly, I look back in amazement at what God did. Every week, more and more girls began to come to Chi Alpha and small group. Every week those who were coming continued to grow in Him. God moved so much and it is truly a miracle. Barely older than these girls myself, I had so much growing to do that year, I made a lot of mistakes, I overcommitted a lot, I was caring around my own wounds but God worked in spite of all of those things. Opportunities to share my faith came up like I had never seen.

            A few weeks into the school year, I challenged the girls to fast and pray for five friends who didn't know God. Jenna, had just recently moved in with one of my friends and small group girls, Julia. Julia began to pray and fast for Jenna. For five weeks, we prayed, we fasted, we invited. Finally, after receiving an invitation by one of her friends back home, Jenna came to a Chi Alpha service (if that’s not a set up I don’t know what is). God changed Jenna’s life.

            After that service, Jenna began to come to church, to small group, to Chi Alpha. She was quiet at first but I will never forget the day she sat in my dorm room and shared what God had done in her heart. I cried, a lot, which I’m sure freaked her out. As Jenna began to come to more and more events, I saw God completely transform this girl and she became one of my dearest friends. I was amazed at how quickly Jenna was accepting God into her life and with the maturity she was growing in Him. I had never seen anything like it.

Dear friends, Jenna and Julia

            In January, only a few minutes after Jenna attended her first Chi Alpha service, she came to a conference with all of us. At this conference, Jenna was filled with the Holy Spirit. It was one of the most powerful encounters I have ever experienced with God. When we returned from that conference, God did even more than He had already done. Our small group went form eight girls to 18 within one week. By the end of the year we were averaging 20 girls. Another Chi Alpha small group that met just down the hall had also reached over 20 and the two other small groups in this dorm also grew.

            Jenna began inviting her friends, telling everyone she knew what God had done in her. It was easy to forget that Jenna had only known God for a short time, she grew in Him so fast. Jenna and Julia soon became some of my dearest friends in the whole world. There room was only three doors from mine, which meant I was in their room everyday.

            When I look back at my sophomore year, I am utterly amazed. By the end of the year, I had personally seen 17 girls from that dorm give their hearts to the Lord for the first time, and Sara and I were leading only one of five small groups in that dorm. I don’t believe there was one week in which a new girl from this dorm didn't came to Chi Alpha for the first time. It was an absolute joy watching God move in the lives of the girls. I am even more amazed because despite all of this, personally, I don’t think I have ever struggled so much. I had to deal with a lot of my own junk that year, hurts I hadn’t let go of, fears that I wouldn’t surrender to God, trust that I wouldn’t give Him. God is so faithful that way and He knew I needed Jenna that year.

            Today, two years later, Jenna is a best friend. Now a small group leader herself, she shares God’s love with so much grace, compassion and wisdom. Her heart is so pure before the Lord, wanting only His will for her life, no matter the cost. Jenna is a huge support in my life and I frequently go to her for advice and prayer. I cannot even describe what a blessing she is.

            I learned so many things from Jenna. More than I can ever say. I have learned that we are never too old, or experienced or smart or “saved” to grow in the Lord. Her questions challenged me to dig deeper, to study God’s word and to really get to know the Savior I had served for so long. Her hunger for God is truly inspiring. Whenever I felt discouraged or thought of quitting being an RA (which I frequently thought of doing), God would remind me of Jenna. She had a child like faith, which is something I had forgotten to have. I got saved at a very young age and truth be told, I don’t remember it. I grew up in Sunday school and Bible camps and family prayer times. I had become so familiar with God, I had forgotten what my life would have been like without Him. After my sophomore year, I felt like God had saved me all over again. He gave me a new heart and I have tears rolling down my face now, just thinking about all He has done for me. Sometimes it is easy to forget that Jesus saved us and healed us and that we can do anything through Him. When I watch Jenna’s faith and desperation for the Lord, I am  reminded of what God has done for me and the life we are supposed to live with Him.

           

Jenna and I: Easter break of my sophomore year

One of my favorite stories from small group that year involves Jenna. She had been a part of Chi Alpha and church and small group for several months at this point and was growing so much in the Lord. We were all sitting in a crowded circle in my dorm room about to start small group. Like usual, we started off small group by asking a question and every girl took a turn answering. Tonight’s question was what kind of Bible did each girl have. What I meant by this question was what translation did each girl have (for example, NIV, KJV, ect). These beginning questions weren’t supposed to be deep but rather just break the ice questions (I usually asked things like “If you could be any fruit what would you be?”). It was Jenna’s turn first. She looked down at her Bible and back at us with kind of a confused look on her face. Then she answered “A pink one”. We all laughed, because although her Bible was indeed pink, that was not the answer I was looking for. Although this is a funny story, I learned something from this.  At this point Jenna was telling her friends about Jesus, was telling her family, was praying for people and reading her Bible daily. She was already being used by God.

That was one of the ways that I learned the incredible power of saying yes to God. Jenna had very little former Bible training and some may say she had little knowledge but she had said yes to God. The details didn’t matter and I have seen this girl share love with so many people. The next year, Jenna became a small group leader, less than a year after receiving God for herself and God has used her. It would have been easy for her to decide she didn’t know enough to begin sharing Him or she wanted to learn and receive more before she took on a role of giving. When I became an RA that year I was unqualified, broken and young but God opened every door. Even getting the position was a miracle but what God did afterwards was astonishing. I could have easily said no. I could have taken one look at those job requirements and said nope, obviously no one would hire me, I don’t qualify. Although in my case, I technically didn’t qualify, I realize there are so many times when I don’t step out in faith or say yes to God because I decide that I don’t qualify. I struggled with my relationship with God my sophomore year, it really stretched me, and yet, God used me anyway. Nothing can disqualify us from being used by God except ourselves. When God asks us to do something, all we have to do is say yes, and He will take care of the rest of it even if we don’t “qualify”. There is a strength to willingness that I have so often taken for granted. God doesn’t want our qualifications, He wants our yes.  I don’t mean that we should lead immaturely or without a lot of prayer but I do mean that if God is calling us, He will provide as soon as we say yes.

            Jenna is one of the dearest friends I have ever had. She inspires me daily and encourages me always. I can’t imagine my life without her now. Her friendship is a huge blessing in my life but truth is if I hadn’t said yes to God, would that even be the case? If Jenna hadn’t said yes to God, would we be where we are now? God has so much in store for us, so many blessings He wants to pour out on us, all we have to do is say yes, and He takes care of the rest. And its better than we could have ever imagined.